You’ll Be Counting The Minutes To Start Counting Minutes.

All four 1-1 Family techniques involve “Counting Minutes” for every poor choice or good choice your child makes in order to teach and motivate them to make their own good choices. Poor choices give you minutes. Good choices takes minutes away from you.

Why count minutes? With 1-1, "Counting Minutes" is the first of two primary steps in teaching your child to make their own good choices and positively motivate them to align with the good and safe boundaries you set for them. Every 1-second your child does not make good choices by ignoring you, talking back to you, or opposing the boundaries you've set for them, you are losing energy and your 1-1 relationship with your child is becoming more strained.

When parents count out minutes, their child realizes they are slowly losing a little bit of freedom. This powerful motivating factor will stop your child from arguing with you and breaking your boundaries.

THE FOUR 1-1 TECHNIQUES FOR COUNTING MINUTES:
(Click on the red bars below to learn about each of the four 1-1 Techniques)

The 1-1 Stopwatch Technique: The Primary 1-1 Technique For When Your Child Isn't Listening

THE STOPWATCH TECHNIQUE
1 Second = 1 Minute

This is the most-used technique to motivate your child to make good choices. Whether you use a real stopwatch, your smartphone stopwatch, a counting app, or you're actually able to remember the number you left off with, you need to be recording the seconds you received every day. Every 1 second your child does not make good choices or argues with you, you get 1 minute of personal restoration time. You will calmly count out loud until they stop arguing with you.

STEP-BY-STEP PROCESS:

1. When your child chooses to break your boundaries, calmly approach and give an "Uh-oh!" expression. By using the simple "Uh-oh!" in a slower fashion, pausing at the hyphen (-), it can be the first warning sign for your child that he is not making a good choice at the moment. This should be a positive and melodic tone, not an ominous or threatening tone. As time goes on, the "Uh-oh!" expression will be for your child the moment that he corrects course and makes a good decision.
   
2. Inform your child in a gentle manner that because he/she is not making good choices (aka not listening), you are going to start "Counting Minutes" and let your child know why. Example: "Jenny, I asked you to stop playing games on the iPad. I am about to start counting minutes."
3. Start counting in a calm and relaxed manner. Use your child's name when counting, like so: "Johnny, one minute, Johnny two minutes, Johnny three minutes..."
4. Stop counting as soon as they make a good choice (at the  moment they comply with your directions - not when they complete your directive).
   
5. Remember how many minutes you collect (use a counting app to help you if needed). You will accrue (keep adding) minutes all day and everyday, until you claim the minutes you've collected.
6. Claim your minutes when you need them. See "Claiming Minutes"
7. When you claim your minutes, inform your child of their new, more limited boundaries (e.g. "Because you did not listen, you will be staying inside our home while Mommy rests for 30 minutes.")
8. Start a visible timer and remind your child that if they interrupt your restoration time, you will add more minutes.

NOTE: At any time, you can offer your child "Make-Up Minutes" so they can take back time from you by doing chores and other helpful things. (see below)

The 1-1 Task-Timer Technique: Used For When You Give Your Child A Task

THE TASK-TIMER TECHNIQUE
1 Minute = 1 Minute

This technique is a 2-step process for tasks that you give to your child. When you assign a task to your child, you use a timer to count down. If they do not accomplish the task in the time allotted, you use a stopwatch to get 1 minute for every 1 minute it takes them to complete the task.

1. Estimate how long a given task should take your child to accomplish, but give them an extra 5 min.
2. Explain to your child what you want them to do and how much time you're giving them to accomplish the task.
3. Remind your child that if they don't complete the task on time, you will add one minute to your time for each minute it takes them to finish.
4. Start the timer, and don't micro-manage your child. Let them succeed or fail on their own.
5. When the alarm goes off, check to see if your child accomplished their task.
6. If your child did not accomplish their task, then start your smartphone's stopwatch and inform your child that you're now adding minutes and they should let you know when they complete their task so you can stop the time.
7. Stop the stopwatch and record the minutes you gained (remember that it's 1 min for 1 min).
8. Claim your minutes when you need them.
9. When you claim your minutes, inform your child of their new, more limited boundaries (e.g. "Because you did not complete your task on time, you will be staying in our home while Mommy rests for 30 minutes.")
10. Start a visible timer and remind your child that if they interrupt your restoration time, you will add more minutes.

NOTE: At any time, you can offer your child "Make-Up Minutes" so they can take back time from you by doing chores and other helpful things. (see below)

The 1-1 Time Exchange Technique: For When Your Child Doesn't Listen & Requires Your Time

THE TIME-EXCHANGE TECHNIQUE
1 Minute = 1 Minute

This technique is for the times your child does something they shouldn't do and, as a result, you are required to use your time to address the issue correctly because they cannot. Whatever the time it takes you to solve the problem, you get the same amount of time, which adds to your overall time. Examples below:

• Your child is late for school and misses the school bus, requiring you to stop what you're doing in order to drive him or her to school.
• Your child makes a mess doing something you've specifically asked her or him not to do, requiring you to take time to help your child clean up.
  
• Your child breaks something he or she was not supposed to touch, requiring you to take extra time helping your child replace or fix it.
  

Note: Don't solve the problem for your child if at all possible. Natural consequences require your child to take responsibility for their disobedience and mistakes. Since you're likely to take time out to address the issue, and you'll likely need to help resolve the problem in some manner, you need to exchange the time you spent.

NOTE: At any time, you can offer your child "Make-Up Minutes" so they can take back time from you by doing chores and other helpful things. (see below)

The 1-1 Make Up Minutes Technique: Used By Your Child To Earn Back Minutes From You

THE MAKE-UP MINUTES TECHNIQUE
1 Minute = 1 Minute

While most 1-1 techniques count UP minutes, the "Make-Up Minutes" technique counts DOWN and gives minutes back to your child. When your child does something that helps you or your family, outside of what is expected of them, they can make up for the minutes they gave you. Here are some examples when you can reimburse time to your child:

• Your child offers to help you with something that benefits you, other than the chores they are expected to do as part of the family.
• Your child decides to write a positive letter and/or draw a picture for someone to encourage them.
• Your child decides to do some extra reading or learning to earn back minutes from you, in addition to their normal reading time.
• You notice that your child has been consistently helpful to you and others and you want to reward her or him by giving more time back.
• Your child decides to teach themselves a new hobby or build something cool and creative.
  
• You notice that your child has been improving in his or her ability to listen to you without arguing.
  

Note: You can decide on whatever you want for your child to make-up minutes from you. Do things that will help you and help them. Pick things that will not involve you to assist your child, unless it brings joy to you.

Here's a recommended iPhone Counter app to count your child's time:  Get iPhone App

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There Are Two Main Reasons To Count Minutes:

1) In order for the parent to later claim those accrued minutes so they can be rested, restored and operate at their "Peak Parenting Performance." When moms and dads are rested, renewed and re-energized, they can better interact with their child, and do more things with their little loved one in a closer 1-1 relationship.

2) In order for the child to understand natural consequences for breaking their parent's boundaries, make better choices, respect their parents' boundaries and be in control of their autonomy.