Ideas You Can Count On.
Below are some tips to help you effectively use The 1-1 Parenting Principle. Click on a red bar to see the tip.
Learn To Wake Up With 1-1
Situation: You're worried that you child is not going to listen to you today.
Every morning when you wake up, greet your child with a cheerful "good morning," and lovingly ask them if they're going to give you any minutes today. You could jokingly plead with them (using reverse psychology) to give you more minutes so you can go do something fun by yourself. Have a little fun with it, and notice when they argue less with you. It will happen. Trust the process.
Remember! Set the tone for each day in a positive way.
Every morning when you wake up, greet your child with a cheerful "good morning," and lovingly ask them if they're going to give you any minutes today. You could jokingly plead with them (using reverse psychology) to give you more minutes so you can go do something fun by yourself. Have a little fun with it, and notice when they argue less with you. It will happen. Trust the process.
Remember! Set the tone for each day in a positive way.
Claim Minutes At The Right Time
Situation: You're not sure when it's the best time to claim your minutes.
The absolute best time to claim your minutes, is when your child needs something from you. This may sound cruel, but it's not. You're teaching your child natural consequences. At the moments when they need access to you to do something they really want to do, you have a captive audience. Your child will be listening intently to you. When your child wants you to take them to the park to play, tell him that you think that's a great idea, but you don't have the energy to do that today. Tell him that you need to claim your minutes because he wasn't listening to you very well over the past few days and you need to get back your energy. Trust the process. You can take your child to the park tomorrow or any day, but you're teaching them boundaries, consequences, and how to govern their own freedom. On top of that, you're teaching them delayed gratification, which is important these days.
Remember! Claiming minutes now is important. If you do it now, you won't have to do it later!
The absolute best time to claim your minutes, is when your child needs something from you. This may sound cruel, but it's not. You're teaching your child natural consequences. At the moments when they need access to you to do something they really want to do, you have a captive audience. Your child will be listening intently to you. When your child wants you to take them to the park to play, tell him that you think that's a great idea, but you don't have the energy to do that today. Tell him that you need to claim your minutes because he wasn't listening to you very well over the past few days and you need to get back your energy. Trust the process. You can take your child to the park tomorrow or any day, but you're teaching them boundaries, consequences, and how to govern their own freedom. On top of that, you're teaching them delayed gratification, which is important these days.
Remember! Claiming minutes now is important. If you do it now, you won't have to do it later!
Use The Pregnant Pause When Your Child Wants Something
Situation: Your child wants to do something, but they have too many minutes accumulated.
Think about this: When your child asks you to do something they so desperately want to do but they have been very oppositional toward you, offer the proverbial "pregnant pause." What does that mean? When your child asks, "Can you take me to the park today?" don't respond immediately with "No" or "You don't have any minutes." Instead, take your time. Pause for a moment. And respond, "That sounds like a wonderful idea." And offer, "That might be nice." But, if your child has significant minutes accumulated for you, then it would be the best time to review with them the minutes you've accrued. At that point, you could respond, "Let's look at how many minutes you've given to me. Oh my! No wonder I don't have any energy. You've been arguing with me X amount of times this week. What a bummer! Maybe if you can agree with me more and not argue with me as much, then we can do more fun things like that together." But don't let your fear of one interaction prevent you from doing something that will draw your child into a deeper and more rewarding relationship with you.
Remember! Claiming minutes is important. When Your child wants to do something, that is the best time to claim your minutes.
Think about this: When your child asks you to do something they so desperately want to do but they have been very oppositional toward you, offer the proverbial "pregnant pause." What does that mean? When your child asks, "Can you take me to the park today?" don't respond immediately with "No" or "You don't have any minutes." Instead, take your time. Pause for a moment. And respond, "That sounds like a wonderful idea." And offer, "That might be nice." But, if your child has significant minutes accumulated for you, then it would be the best time to review with them the minutes you've accrued. At that point, you could respond, "Let's look at how many minutes you've given to me. Oh my! No wonder I don't have any energy. You've been arguing with me X amount of times this week. What a bummer! Maybe if you can agree with me more and not argue with me as much, then we can do more fun things like that together." But don't let your fear of one interaction prevent you from doing something that will draw your child into a deeper and more rewarding relationship with you.
Remember! Claiming minutes is important. When Your child wants to do something, that is the best time to claim your minutes.
Allow Your Child “Make-Up Minutes” By Learning And Growing
Situation: What if your child has given you too many minutes? Maybe you don't need so many.
Let your child make-up their minutes back from you by doing positive things. Your child would earn back 1 minute for every 1 minute they are doing things that help you, your child or your family. There are so many things they can do for you that could reward them the minutes they lost and help you at the same time.
You can have your child redeem their minutes by doing something that teaches them and enriches their lives without you needing to show them how to do anything. Here are ways your child can redeem their time:
– Have your child read by themselves in a quiet spot
– Let them do their favorite exercises for 15 minutes
– Simple chores that don't require your instruction or presence
– Draw something for a special friend or relative
– Make a LEGO or other building block creation
– Play interactive educational games on digital devices
– Play an educational board game (one player)
Remember! Don't let your child interrupt you if you are actively claiming your minutes. You need rest.
Let your child make-up their minutes back from you by doing positive things. Your child would earn back 1 minute for every 1 minute they are doing things that help you, your child or your family. There are so many things they can do for you that could reward them the minutes they lost and help you at the same time.
You can have your child redeem their minutes by doing something that teaches them and enriches their lives without you needing to show them how to do anything. Here are ways your child can redeem their time:
– Have your child read by themselves in a quiet spot
– Let them do their favorite exercises for 15 minutes
– Simple chores that don't require your instruction or presence
– Draw something for a special friend or relative
– Make a LEGO or other building block creation
– Play interactive educational games on digital devices
– Play an educational board game (one player)
Remember! Don't let your child interrupt you if you are actively claiming your minutes. You need rest.
Buy A Timer (for “Task-Timer” and “Make-Up Minutes”)
Situation: When you're directing your child to do a task.
Situation: When your child is making-up minutes that they gave to you. A timer is a great visual for your child as they are performing a task or making-up minutes. You can set the timer for the amount of time your child needs to do a task, or your child can set the timer to get "Make-Up Minutes" back from you. Remember! Time is on your side :-) |
Offer Comfort & Compassion
Situation: You claim your minutes and your child starts to cry or throw a tantrum.
This is your opportunity to be "the good guy." Calmly and sympathetically offer hugs to your child if they want it. Let that be their choice. Reassure your child that you will be there for them if they need a hug. If they do take you up on the hugs, try not to lecture them or say anything at all. Just be there and console them.
Remember! Let natural consequences do the work and be "the bad guy." You're "The Good Guy!"
This is your opportunity to be "the good guy." Calmly and sympathetically offer hugs to your child if they want it. Let that be their choice. Reassure your child that you will be there for them if they need a hug. If they do take you up on the hugs, try not to lecture them or say anything at all. Just be there and console them.
Remember! Let natural consequences do the work and be "the bad guy." You're "The Good Guy!"
Claim Minutes Immediately
Situation: You are already exhausted, and your child does something that pushes you over the edge.
The 1-1 Parenting Principle suggests that you can determine when you want to claim your minutes, but oftentimes it is assumed that you collect minutes over a longer period of time before you can claim them for yourself. But sometimes, it's much smarter to claim your time immediately, as soon as your child does not listen. You don't need to wait to the end of the day to collect your time.
Remember! You know best what you need.
The 1-1 Parenting Principle suggests that you can determine when you want to claim your minutes, but oftentimes it is assumed that you collect minutes over a longer period of time before you can claim them for yourself. But sometimes, it's much smarter to claim your time immediately, as soon as your child does not listen. You don't need to wait to the end of the day to collect your time.
Remember! You know best what you need.
Trust The Process
Situation: You're not sure if 1-1 is actually working or not.
Give it time and trust that this process works. In order to trust the process, you need to always 1) be counting minutes when your child is not listening, and 2) take your needed restoration time—at a time they really need you to provide something fun for them. That's it!
Remember! If you do those two things, your child will listen more.
Give it time and trust that this process works. In order to trust the process, you need to always 1) be counting minutes when your child is not listening, and 2) take your needed restoration time—at a time they really need you to provide something fun for them. That's it!
Remember! If you do those two things, your child will listen more.