Micro-Arguments Are Crushing You

The 1-1 Parenting Principle has sort of coined the term "Micro-Argument" in the parenthood arena, and it is defined as: Moment-by-moment arguments your child will give you, on a second-by second basis, in an attempt to not listen to you and usurp control over you. Micro-arguments are clearly not good. While they are typically small and seemingly insignificant, they drain you of all your energy and keep you from operating at your peak parenting performance.

What does a micro-argument look like?

• Your child directly argues with you in opposition to what you want them to do
• Your child "ignores" you, choosing not to listen to you
• Your child negotiates with you to change your mind
• Your child begs with you (puppy dog eyes)
• Your child repeatedly requests something you've said "no" to
• Your child pretends to cry in order to manipulate you
• Your child talks-back to you in disrepect
• Your child starts calling you names
• Your child runs away from you to avoid your direction
• Your child learns to be passive-aggressive, pretending to listen but ultimately resisting you and your direction
• Your child breaks something because they didn't like your parenting
• Your child physically strikes you or hurts you in some way
• Your child does something worse

So, what do you do? First, realize that your child is arguing with you because they naturally want to test the boundaries of their own freedom and personal autonomy. It's in our nature to want autonomy. That's why The 1-1 Parenting Principle works so well. When you enforce natural consequences with your child by taking your personal restoration time, you are at the same time temporarily shrinking their freedoms while you are enjoying yours. Every second in an argument with you is a minute with limited access to do all the fun things your child wants and needs from you. So, the more you enforce the natural consequences and take your restoration time, the more your child will listen to you and stop the arguments.

Practical Process:

• Tell your child, "I love you too much to argue with you." (Love & Logic)
• Inform them, "Since you're not listening, I'm going to start 'Counting Minutes'"
• Start counting, "One minute, two minutes, three minutes..." until they stop
• Record those minutes you collected for personal restoration time later
• Follow-up to make sure your child listened properly
• Don't forget to "Claim Minutes" for yourself
• Repeat process if necessary

Remember, while it might be natural for your child to push the boundaries you've laid out for them, it is vitally important that you define and enforce those boundaries with natural consequences.